Blind Date Desperado
by Alida Rei
Summary: Parvati thinks up a "brilliant" plan to get Lavender back on her feet after the big break up with Ron Weasley. Will everything go as planned by her unplanned itinerary or will complications arise? *Rated T for minor swearing.*
1. Chapter 1

Blind Date Desperado

Chapter 1

He's insecure. He's awkward. He's somewhat rash. He's funny. He's perfect. He's Ron Weasley. And here he comes now. Lavender Brown sighed sadly in her seat and out of the corner of her eye, she thought she saw her best friend, Parvati Patil, roll her eyes yet again. Lavender and Ron used to be an item. They used to be lovers - or at least she thought they were. She loved him. He was perfect in every way. Ron Weasley was always there, but Lavender never really thought of him as someone other than Harry Potter's best friend and sidekick. Then suddenly from out of the blue, she began to see something else in him. Ron was funny, witty and so unique that Lavender fell in love.

So they got together after that one quidditch match. They snogged endlessly the whole night. He was a horrible kisser. Lavender could swear that it was his first time kissing somebody, but she taught him well. They snogged each other all the time - it was a wonder they never went to the next step. No matter how passionate they became, Lavender could guess that it was probably just lust on his part. She always felt that somehow, she wasn't the one he wanted to be snogging. Her touch wasn't the one he longed for and whenever he looked into her eyes after they snogged, there was always this glint of surprise and disappointment in his eyes - like she wasn't the one that was supposed to be there.

Lavender knew perfectly well that it wasn't her that was supposed to be snogging Ron and holding him. It wasn't her that Ron wanted and she knew it. Everyone knew this, of course; it was common knowledge. She knew that it was Hermione Granger that he wanted to hold in his arms and snog mercilessly with a mindless passion. The first few weeks through their relationship, that Granger avoided her and Ron at all costs. That was good enough for Lavender. If she stayed away, then nothing would disrupt Ron's "love" for her. But when Hermione Granger and Ron reconciled, Lavender knew she was in trouble. Everything fell apart one night when she saw Ron and Granger, that bushy haired, buck-toothed, know-it-all of a bitch, walk through the portrait hole together. Lavender's heart broke beyond repair and tears threatened to spill out. She broke up with Ron Weasley that night.

And now, Lavender was the one who was alone and ashamed of it. Normally, she would be gossiping with Parvati about the new relationships that formed the other day or telling each other's fortunes. However, these days, Lavender mostly sat and watched Ron Weasley watch Hermione Granger.

"When are you going to get over it, Lav?" Parvati asked her over dinner.

"Huh?" Lavender said and turned to her friend. "Get over what?" she asked in what she hoped was a neutral tone.

Parvati rolled her eyes. "Don't play dumb with me, Lavender Agathanes Brown." She looked at the ugly grimace on Lavender's face and felt the satisfaction that came with the reaction she received. "You know what I'm talking about." For effect, she shook her head in the direction of Harry Potter's best friends.

Lavender's lip quivered slightly and the action did not go unnoticed by her friend.

"Honestly, Lav! Get over it already!" Parvati huffed intolerantly. "They're best friends."

Lavender scowled unattractively. "Parvati, you know I know better than that. They are not only _best friends_. They are _lovers_. Just look at them!"

At that very moment, Ron made a joke at the table that had Hermione laughing hysterically. Parvati turned just in time to see the blush on Ron's face when he gazed at the brunette beside him.

"Ok, so they're displaying small acts of affection. It's no big deal," Parvati said, shrugging. "Besides, they can't help being in love, Lav!"

Lavender sulked. "But that doesn't mean that I can help being in love with him either!" she moped, playing around with the food on her plate. "I'm not hungry anymore." She pushed her plate away, stood up and strode sadly into the Entrance Hall.

Parvati sat in her seat looking longingly at the Yorkshire pudding and roast beef left on her plate. She wanted to eat this delicious dinner, but… Lavender needed her. With one last yearning look , she left the Gryffindor table and ran after Lavender. She walked quickly in the corridors until she arrived before the portrait of the Fat Lady. When the Fat Lady swung open to admit her, Parvati ran inside and found Lavender sitting before the fire.

"Lav!" she cried. "I'm sorry for being insensitive, okay?"

Lavender stared at the flickering flames of the fire solemnly. "I loved him, Parvati."

Parvati wanted desperately to roll her eyes, but resisted the impulse to do so. "Lav, there are other guys out there," she said consolingly.

Lavender shook her head. "They won't be like him. They won't be as funny or as sweet or…"

Parvati hugged her friend and silence passed while the both of them stared into the fire. Without warning, Parvati suddenly jumped up.

"I have a brilliant idea!" she exclaimed proudly. When Lavender didn't budge from her sudden explosion, Parvati poked her. "Aren't you going to ask what my 'brilliant idea' is?" she asked.

"Fine, Parvati. What is your brilliant idea?" Lavender inquired dully.

Parvati moved to stand before Lavender and blocked her view of the flames. "Alright! Lavender, my dear friend, I have the perfect plan to help you get over that ridiculously horrid Ronald Weasley!" she cried out excitedly.

Lavender looked skeptical. "I don't know…" she started.

"Just hear me out," Parvati begged. She couldn't take seeing her best friend mope around for some redheaded fool. When Lavender nodded her approval, Parvati continued. "Here's my great idea, Lav. I will set you up on blind dates with various handsome gentlemen. You'll go on long walks around the school in the moonlight, you'll fly with each other in the Quidditch pitch, and you'll have a night-in at the Room of Requirement. Do you like Mme Puddifoot's shop in Hogsmeade, Lav? I'll set you up on a romantic date there as well!"

Lavender stared uncertainly at her disillusioned friend. "No."

Parvati's face dropped. "What?"

"No."

"Wait why?"

"Because I said so."

Parvati pouted. "Lav, we haven't even tried it out yet!"

Lavender gave her friend a pained look. "I'm still getting over Ron, Parvati."

"But the point of this is to _help_ you get over Ron Weasley!" Parvati cried dramatically. "Lavender, you haven't been yourself since you broke up with him. It's been two months! Two long, excruciating months! You need more action!"

Parvati climbed onto a table for effect, making Lavender feel relief that everybody was at dinner so they wouldn't see her friend's ludicrous display.

Parvati resumed ranting. "Lav, you are lonely! You need to realize that Ron Weasley is not the only fish in the sea! There are many more men deserving of a beautiful, young lady like you! You need to put yourself out there and make those fine male heads turn toward you!" She hopped off the table, pulled Lavender up by the arm and dragged her to a mirror. "Look at yourself! Where's the fire? Where's that 'Lavender' charm, eh? Let's show the world – and Ron Weasley – that you are a fine woman that's able to get back up on her feet and face the world of men eagerly!" Parvati stopped, awaiting her friend's answer.

"You're right…" Lavender said.

"Of course I am, girl!" Parvati declared proudly.

"I am beautiful, I am fine and I have that one-of-a-kind 'Lavender' charm!" Lavender exclaimed, the fervor back in her voice.

"That's the spirit!" Parvati encouraged.

Lavender smoothed her hair out before the mirror and slapped her cheeks to make them rouge.

"Parvati, my friend, bring on the men!"


	2. Chapter 2

Blind Date Desperado

Chapter 2

Lavender Brown stared at her figure in the mirror Wednesday night at 10 o'clock in the evening. She wore a slimming, black dress underneath her robes. Her eyelashes were thick with mascara, her eyebrows had been freshly plucked, and her legs cleanly shaven. Parvati had lent her some lipstick and applied gloss over her plump lips. Ultimately, her blonde hair was pulled up in an elegant knot above her head.

"There. You look perfect, Lav," Parvati smiled encouragingly.

Lavender spun around. "I know," she agreed.

"Okay here's your briefing," Parvati said excitedly. "You're date will meet you inside the Room of Requirement in approximately fifteen minutes. When you're passing the room, just think 'I need a place for a romantic date." He'll probably already be inside. You're going to have a late night snack, you're going to dance, talk and cuddle in front of the fire!" Parvati was squealing with that 'hopeless romantic' expression on her face.

Lavender giggled. "Is he good-looking like I asked?"

Parvati gave her a look. "Of course he is! Here are some mystery details: he's in seventh year and in Ravenclaw. How great is that, Lav? He's an older man!"

Lavender smirked. "Perfect."

-

The hallways were quiet when Lavender arrived at the Room of Requirement. She followed Parvati's instructions and the door handle appeared before her expectant eyes. She took it and excitedly threw the door open. The room was dimly lit with floating candles. A small café table stood surrounded by two plush, red armchairs. Two glasses of what Lavender presumed to be Butterbeer sat on the table along with two slices of dark, gooey chocolate cake. Lavender licked her lips and looked around. He sat on one of two beanbag chairs on the floor before the fire. He was immobile.

"Hey there," Lavender called. The guy on the beanbag chair jerked and stood to face her. There was some drool on his face and his eyes squinted. Lavender presumed he had been sleeping.

"Oh, hey," the guy said. "I guess you're Lavender, right?"

Lavender walked in shyly. "Yeah, I'm Lavender," she replied. "And who might you be?" she asked endearingly.

"I'm Tristan Reese," the boy said, holding a hand out. He was good looking, though his face was plagued with some spots of acne. His brown hair fell around his head like a coconut, but he had some fine features. Tristan was shorter than Lavender imagined. He was only an inch taller than her. Still, that's not a bad thing, is it? "That's a beautiful dress you have," he stated.

Lavender stared at the hand that was held out toward her. _Oh, he wants me to shake it_, she realized stupidly. She reached out and shook it while thanking him for the compliment.

"So, Tristan Reese," she said. "Would you care for some cake?"

Tristan nodded. "Sure."

They sat in the cozy chairs and took some bites out of their cakes. Lavender enjoyed the bittersweet taste of the dark cocoa in her mouth. It was so soft!

"Do you like it?" she asked Tristan.

Tristan pulled the fork out of his mouth disdainfully. "I'm not fond of it," he said with distaste. "You can eat if you like. I'll wait."

Lavender didn't care very much for his unenthusiastic attitude, but continued to revel in the chocolaty goodness of the cake.

"You know, such sweets are very fattening," Tristan remarked quietly.

Lavender froze. What was he implying?

When she didn't reply, Tristan continued. "I mean, where are its healthy components? I don't think there are any. I would have preferred a healthier snack this late at night."

Lavender put down her fork as gently as she could and gave Tristan a fake smile. "What do you suggest?" she asked, sugar coating her voice.

"I guess we should have… carrots and celery with dip."

At that very moment, the cake cleared off the plates and was replaced with carrots and celery with Caesar dip. Lavender frowned, but Tristan was amazed.

"This is bloody fantastic!" Tristan exclaimed. "Did this room make these appear? I wonder what else it can do!"

While they munched on their snack, Lavender pouted. This was not the way she expected the blind date to go. The room brightened and bookshelves appeared against the walls. The romantic setting Parvati had created especially for the date disappeared completely as Tristan let his imagination stir.

"Books!" he cried joyfully. "Wonderful! Do you mind if we read?" he asked Lavender.

Lavender had been planning on dancing within the dimmed lighting and chat before the fire. This was not the romantic get-together she had been expecting. "No, I don't mind at all," she said dully. Tristan was already making his way to a bookshelf.

"Amazing! They have the first edition of 'Hogwarts a History!'" Tristan energetically exclaimed. He took several books and sat down in his bean bag chair to _read_. Lavender randomly picked a book and sank into the other beanbag chair. After about a half hour, Lavender decided that this had to be the most tedious date she had ever been on and that Tristan had to be the most uninteresting guy on the face of the Earth.

"Hey Tristan, what are your hobbies?" Lavender asked straightforwardly.

"Reading," he replied from behind a large book. His tone suggested annoyance.

Lavender didn't ask any more questions. His personality reminded her of Hermione Granger and that made her think of Ron Weasley, which led to depressing thoughts that thought made her want to cry. She slammed the book she had been pretending to read shut and put it down. She made a fake yawn of exhaustion and got up.

"I should be going now," Lavender announced. Tristan just nodded. "I'm really tired!"

"Bye," Tristan said. Lavender didn't bid him farewell. She believed that he wouldn't miss her.

When she arrived at her dormitory, Parvati was asleep. She guessed she would have to give her the gory details the next day. She dressed down into her night gown, took off all her makeup and let her hair down before lying in bed. She wasn't even sleepy. That Tristan was so awfully unexciting. She expected tall, dark and mysterious. Instead, she got short, nerdy and boring. Lavender sighed unhappily. Parvati had better have a better guy lined up for her next date.

* * *

**A.N.**

I apologize for any missed grammatical errors. I just had this amazing idea for Lavender and Parvati and I just had to write it down!

Flames are welcome, but they have to be constructive.

R & R please


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